Cup of Joy

Pure Luck or Divine Appointment

2010-07-23T15:50:00.002-04:00

Our bible study is in the 2^nd week of Kelly Minter's Ruth– Loss, Love and Legacy. It is a wonderful study. Today I studied day 3 of week 2, and it was on Ruth 2:1-3. Kelly had us spend a few minutes on the words "As it turned out" from verse 3 of chapter 2 "So she (Ruth) went out and began to glean in the fields behind the harvesters. As it turned out, she found herself working in a field belonging to Boaz, who was from the clan of Elimelech." So the conversation, was this a struck of luck or God's orchestration? My first thought is exactly God's plan. But do you always see things as God's plan or just luck? It made me think of an instance just a few short months ago, and as it happened I thanked God for putting it together because I knew that it would lead to something real soon.

I was sitting at church talking to a friend on Easter Sunday, when a woman came up to us and introduced herself to us and then asked where we were from and we found at that she lived within a few minutes from me. You see my daughter and I have been going to a church where right now we are moving all over Atlanta to meet. My heart has been attached to this place of worship since the very first time that I attended over 1 ½ years ago yet we really knew no one except the people that would go with us. And trying to figure out how to make this church our home was causing me some concern. My heart was attached but what about my daughter and what she needed with the opportunities for youth and friends. The Lord kept leading me to believe that this was for me but what about her. And I know that you are thinking that God already knew about her and how it would work if this is where He wanted us to be. I know that thought also but I couldn't "see" it working out with my own eyes so the concern took the place of "seeing". So back to Easter, I talked to this woman and besides finding out where we were from she pointed out a couple of families from the same area as I lived and told us about a couple more. I was so excited about what could be the possibilities and within a couple of weeks I was contacted through Facebook about a small group that was going to be meeting during the summer with all the families from our area. I started reading about the other families and there were kids my daughter's age and a few older and younger. My eyes were starting to "see". So over the week prior to meeting, I started praying very specifically about what I wanted from this small group. The first night we met 6 families and before I left I felt like I knew these people for a long time. My daughter within a few minutes could be heard laughing and talking. On the way home my daughter used the word pursued. She said "Mom, the kids pursued me and welcomed me into the group. I felt like I belonged there. When do we meet again?" I was praying thanks from that moment. She started telling about the things that happened. She laughed so hard trying to retell me some things. I hit the "I guess you had to be there" because I didn't understand or it just wasn't funny to me.

So that was the last of the "things" that needed to take place to call this our home church. Easter Sunday was God's design for my daughter and I to make the finishing touches to our new church home and family. I still thank God for making that divine moment "seen" so as I didn't miss the burning bush and just cook s'mores on it.

The Garden of Gethsemane

2010-06-29T15:47:00.001-04:00

This morning we are on a journey. A journey to the Garden of Gethsemane. Do you want to go with me? I am not sure if I want to go here but together I think that we might learn a few things for the next time that we are in the Garden or how to do deal with being in the Garden right now or maybe you have just left and you need to find comfort about what you've learned there.

What comes to mind when you here the words The Garden of Gethsemane?

Physical Pain

Sorrow

Grief

Guilt

Hurt

Loneliness

Desperation

Afraid/Fear

How many of you would say that you've walked, slept, sat, and cried in this Garden? What took me to the Garden was the death of my husband.

I have learned that Trials and Tribulations come in all shapes and sizes and intensity much like shoe sizes and you could visit this Garden multiple times in your life. Here are some of the things that could take you to the Garden:

Money problems

Marriage problems

Children rebelling

Lose a job

Family strife

Infertility

Miscarriage

Aging Parents

Sickness – personal

Sickness – spouse, friend, family member

Death

Etc…..

Let's look at Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. We are going to look at two pieces of scripture so turn your Bibles to Mark 14:32-42. They, meaning Jesus and 11 disciples, went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, "Sit here while I pray." He took Peter, James, and John along with him, and he began to be deeply

distressed and troubled. "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death," he said to them. "Stay here and keep watch. Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. "Abba, Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not my will, but what you will."

Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Simon," he said to Peter, "are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour? Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

Once more he went away and prayed the same thing. When he came back, he again found them sleeping because their eyes were heavy. They did not know what to say to him.

Returning the third time, he said to them, "Are you still sleeping and resting? Enough!! The hour has come. Look, the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!"

Now let's look at John 18:1 when he had finished praying, Jesus left with his disciples and crossed the Kidron Valley. On the other side there was an olive grove, and he and his disciples went into it.

Now for some background- The Kidron Valley contains the Kidron Brook which means dusky, gloomy, referring to the dark waters that were often stained with blood from the temple sacrifices. The Kidron Valley was located to the east of Jerusalem, between the city wall and the Mount of Olives; and the Garden of Gethsemane was just the other side of the Kidron Brook. Jesus went across the Kidron Brook which most of the time contained reference to sacrifice and Jesus was going to be our sacrifice. The Garden of Gethsemane means "oil press". Interesting isn't it? They brought their olives there to turn them into oil, one of the best and healthiest of oils, changing by intense pressure. So we go into the Garden and come out changed just like the Olives, squeezed to death, to come out better and more like Jesus.

So we are going to look into the Garden and see 3 things Jesus taught us about trials and tribulations.

Intense pain
Boldly in prayer
Find comfort – acceptance

Jesus was feeling intense pain because he told his disciples that he was filled with sorrow to the point of death. We also know that no one could go with him there. The disciples couldn't even stay awake when they knew that Jesus was suffering. They didn't understand. Picture with me what is must have looked like for Jesus in this Garden: dark, lots of trees with branches coming out everywhere, could even be a little scary, or spooky the feeling of aloneness, being by yourself, and you're reaching out for God the Father to remove this sorrow from your soul. You can't breath for the pain that you feel. You are trying to understand but can't see past the moment, the pressure of what is going on right this minute, and the overwhelming darkness that is clouding your eyes. Could that be tears in my eyes? Is the sobbing to come next? Why Lord do I lose control like this when I'm trying to keep it all together? Why is this happening to me? Lord, you say that you love me and yet I can't believe that you would let this thing happen to me. Maybe these are just a few questions that you have had going through your mind. What is next? Where is the hope? When will the pain go away? How long will this last? I feel so alone. Nobody understands or wants to be near me right now. They can't even stay awake for 1 hour and pray for me under these circumstances. This is the intense pain that we sometimes feel when in the garden. Have you ever felt like this?

The main reason Jesus went into the Garden to pray was to be near to the Father during this painful time. And He taught us that we may boldly ask God with lamented persistence when we bring needs to him. That doesn't mean that we will always get what we want but it is OK to ask boldly. Jesus asked for another way to reach the goal without pain and suffering but He added not my will but thine be done. I also believe that Jesus had also started to feel the weight of sin being thrust upon him. And this was a new feeling for him the separation from God was starting and he didn't like the thought of being separated from the Father. Jesus had been prepared all along for this outcome but just because the knowledge of what is going to happen is revealed before the outcome doesn't mean that the outcome is any easier. Has the Lord ever prepared you in advance for something that was going to happen that may not have been a good thing? Or we felt that it wasn't a good thing. But we know that all things work for the good of those that love the Lord. If you look back then the Lord has prepared you to some degree. You have heard scriptures that deal with the heartache that comes in life. In Exodus 33:21-23 Then the LORD said to Moses "There is a place near me where you may stand on the rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back: but my face must not be seen. The first time that I read this it was acknowledgement of preparation. God will set you on the rock cover you with his hand so that during the time in the Garden God is all that you see. You cling to him for your next breath, for the next moment in that day when you feel that you just are going to go under. And then after all is done God will remove his hand and you will see His back and know all that he has done for you. What does God want when we don't know how to make sense with what is going on in our life? He wants acceptance he wants us to keep on believing in Him and know that His way is the best way.

The next thing that Jesus taught us is finding comfort. We're told in Luke 22:43 an angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. It doesn't say what the angel did to strengthen Him but we know that it worked. Hebrews 12:2 tells us that Jesus, for the joy set before Him endured the cross." I believe that each of us will enter into our own Gethsemane, and every Gethsemane will have its angel. This is our encouragement as God's children that when we wrestle and pray about difficulty that God has already given us his Spirit to comfort us and be there with us at all times.

Knowing that God is there to comfort and help you find joy, in maybe just the littlest of things, help us to move forward in the pain. So how do we find comfort in our pain? In Jeremiah 29:11 states: "For I know the plans that I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. I had to keep repeating and repeating and comfort finally came with it. Another verse is Deuteronomy 31:6 "I will never leave you or forsake you." Also, Psalm 46:6 "Be still and know that I am God." There is comfort in that. 23^rd Psalms states that He restores my soul. He guides my in the path of Righteousness for his name sake. Psalm 25 b says that You are my God my Savior and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 40:31 But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary they will walk and not be faint. And another Psalm 41:13 For I am the LORD, your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. That the God of Heaven has put you in this place to squeeze you to death to make you more like Christ and to help Him with His plan for the universe. How comforting is that to know that you have a place to further His plan for the universe? Going into the garden might not feel like the plan that you would have chosen but God has prepared you to make it through, He will be there to comfort you while you are there, and our acceptance is our praise to God for who He is. Our goal from the Garden since it is in a valley where the sun takes so much longer in the day to reach us, is to climb the mountain out of the valley and to the top and see the sun rise early in the morning.

So Jesus went to the cross with Joy such as it was. He knew that there was no other way. He also knew that the pain would be for just a little while and then He would be with the Father forever.

Back in the spring I came across this devotion:

Psalm 69 gives us hope when hope fades with this prayer from David

Save me, O God, for the flood waters are up to my neck.

Deeper and deeper I sink into the mire; my throat is parched and dry.

My eyes swollen with weeping, waiting for my God to help me….

But I keep right on praying to you Lord, hoping this is the time you will show me favor.

David's prayer is a simple "Save me I'm sinking." It's the cry of a desperate man who can't even think of helping himself. But at least David knew whom he needed to ask for help. Although he was exhausted from crying out to the Lord in prayer, he kept on shouting to his God, the only one who could save him. Remember when the waves of life are drowning you cry out to God for help. Dear Lord, I am exhausted from crying out for help, but I will keep on praying to you.

What I found in this Garden:

God comforted me

God provided for me

God loved me

I could draw comfort and place blame

God held me in the palm of His Hands – carried me

God said "I will never leave you nor forsake you"

God became my husband

God met my needs

God allowed me to vent and then reassured me

God helped my answer Hannah's questions

God came every morning with his diet coke to converse with me

God gave me Jer 29:11

God healed me

The Garden: what I experienced.

Of course I didn't want to be there.

It's painful

It's heartbreaking

I was filled with sorrow and grief

I felt "half"

I didn't know who I was anymore

I didn't feel that I fit anywhere

I felt alone

It's very dark – no sunshine the mountain that I had to climb was tall and kept the sun from me

Nobody could go with me

I felt squeezed to death

I couldn't breath on my own

I felt physical pain

I felt guilty

I had to make a conscience effort to go back into life every day

I had to be strong for my daughter

2010-05-26T08:17:00.001-04:00

Praise the LORD, O my soul! And all that is in me praise His Holy Name!

Amazing Opportunity

2010-05-10T13:39:00.001-04:00

Look at the nations and watch – and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told. Habakkuk 1: 5

I was reading this last night during an hour or prayer and worship for a team of Godly individuals traveling the world this summer spreading the famous name of Jesus. It has been such a privilege to be able to lift these people up in prayer this past week. I think that more has happened to me than what I could be possibly be doing for them. I have found that it has kept the Lord and the mission on my mind constantly so that my hour has taken on a lot more than my obligation for one hour. I love how I feel connected to the mission though it's taking place today half a world away. I love how connected I feel to the people of the area like being able to "see" them with my eyes closed. I love how the Lord has kept this movement on my mind. I also love how this has connected me to this church that I have grown to love so much in the past month. I have always enjoyed and received so much from this church that I have been attending for the past year but I have felt connected in such an awesome way lately through prayer on behalf of many with many.

My prayer time is late in the night, so I got the privilege of praying them awake this morning, praying for God to work mightily through them today as they got themselves ready for this big day today. Asking God to speak loudly to them so that his voice is all they hear and that they could truly lead God's way.

In Job 42:5 it says "My ears have heard of you but now my eyes have seen you". The Lord keeps showing me that I can see with his eyes the people in need of him. I tend to live a sheltered life, not being in the world much, I work from home, my daughter dances at a Christian dance school, we socialize with friends that we have met at church. But He says that I can still impact people in need of him through prayer like what has been happening this past week and will continue through the coming weeks. He gave me a glimpse of those people today when I closed my eyes in prayer, I saw young people milling around waiting, watching, wondering. I saw faces, like I was there among them.

It is an amazing opportunity to see what God is doing with my eyes wide open. So I too wait, watch, and wonder what is going on in these days for the Kingdom and I also get to be a part of it. It is such a privilege and such an honor given to me.

So watch the nations, something big is happening there. I am amazed at you, LORD.

Powerful

2010-04-28T10:46:00.001-04:00

God's electing us for His specific purposes rests on how we respond to His love and work in us by His Spirit. - Priscilla Shirer -

Now "walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called. Eph 4:1

No Other Gods - Conforting our Modern Day Idols

2010-04-24T23:23:00.003-04:00

Our bible study will finish the above bible study on Monday evening. I can say that it has been a wonderful study to go through and written by Kelly Minter. I have learned much about myself and my struggles.
Throughout this week the following scripture has stayed with me from a week ago. It is from Acts 13: 17-19.

The God of the people of Israel chose our fathers; he made the people prosper during their stay in Egypt, with mighty power he led them out of that country, he endured their conduct for about forty years in the desert, he overthrew seven nations in Canaan and gave their land to his people as their inheritance.

I guess what keeps hitting me so hard is in verse 18, He endured their conduct for about forty years. How long has the Lord been enduring my worthless idols and disobedience? But there is also hope in the next verse, He overthrew seven nations in Canaan and gave their land to his people as their inheritance. Even though I don't always say yes immediately or I pickup that idol that I've laid down time and again the Lord still shows me that I am loved passionately and that I am his favorite and he wants to do good things for me. But I still have to work at saying yes faster and believing what I've been told and with Jesus' help I have to continue laying down that idol and work at not looking back or picking it back up. It truly isn't any comfort because only God truly satisfies and can meet all my needs. The hard part is not looking back and remembering the "good" which is only a lie but remembering what God can do and will do when I'm under complete surrender.

So it's letting go and letting God fill me up. I need to look ahead at the blessings that will come and not looking back and remember those things that really didn't satisfy.

Lord, Help me to seek you first always for my filling up and not at things that do not satisfy. Keep reminding me that you love me and what to fill me up with you. I love you and I desire to seek your face and beauty above all else. In Jesus' Name Amen.

God is so Good

2010-04-09T14:17:00.002-04:00

The other day I was working on my bible study and God is just all over me. Our study is No Other Gods, confronting our modern-day idols by Kelly Minter. Wonderful study and I highly recommend it. Anyway, I was reading about how good and great God is, which I know, but sometimes you just have to be hit in the head with the truth. We have come to the part in the study as to why we have idols, what we are looking for from them, naming then, and then lay them down to be able to allow Christ to work on them with us because he is jealous for us. So comes the part where you need to pick out scripture to read in Psalm that relates God to that idol that we have laid down and see God in that role instead. Some of the choices are struggling with identity and self-worth Psalm 139, in time of crisis Psalm 143 and so on. I chose longing for intimacy with God and the scripture address is Psalm 42. The Lord had another scripture that he wanted me to read, still having to do with intimacy but at another location. You see I have also been struggling with what I have been called to do and not being able to do the thing because it is much harder than I thought even though God told me that I would do it and I also think that I don't make an effort these days to set aside time to do it. How is that for confession? Something that I will have to work on after you hear and read what God did. So I am looking for intimacy with God in Psalm 42 and God has other plans and takes me to Isaiah 42 which goes like this verse 1 "Here is my servant , whom I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him and he will bring justice to the nations. " I am staring at this verse and I read it again. Tears welling up in my eyes to see God's love for me, who has not been doing the thing I have been called to do and yet he loves me still and not just loves me but delights in me. And I still don't know that I am in the wrong passage. Now for more, verse 5-6 "This is what God the LORD says- he who created the heavens and stretched them out, who spread out the earth and all that comes out of it, who give breath to its people, and life to those who walk on it: I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold our your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness." Verse 10 "Sing to the LORD a new song his praise from the ends of the earth." Verse 11b goes "Let the people sing for joy; let them shout from the mountaintops." I am so overwhelmed by what I have been reading that I am crying. God is still calling me to write this bible study/book/devotional. I must do it and must spend the time that is necessary to make my calling a reality. Because God has called me to do it and I won't be completely happy and satisfied which has been another issue I have been having these days.

When I get finished reading the chapter and can look back at my bible study page at the verse and then back to the bible, I realize that I was in the wrong book. I reacted by WOW and then even more tears because the Lord had taken me there to hear those words of love and reassurance and encouragement. How is that for intimacy with God? It just couldn't be better. I then went on the read Psalm 42 and it just didn't have it for me at that moment but my needs had been met by the Provider of all things, just in time.

Good Friday

2010-04-03T11:20:00.001-04:00

Jesus said "It is finished!" No more do I have to do. I can't keep the law. But as long as I walk in the Spirit, I get to walk in freedom. He paid it all so that I could live for eternity. He gave his life so that I could wear his righteousness. He inherited my sin so that I could be blameless, pure and white as snow.

Spring Fever

2010-03-24T14:11:00.004-04:00

It only takes one day of this kind of weather, sunny and warm, to make me want to skip all that I'm supposed to do and just enjoy the day sitting on my screen porch in the sun and giving praise to the Lord for the beauty of the day. Now I'm not on the screen porch, I'm sitting at the kitchen table right beside the back door to the porch. It is as close as I can get to the porch while trying to work (I moved my lap top and all my work papers downstairs from my office to the kitchen). I am listening to Awakening by the Passion Bands. It is a wonderful CD full of music that just makes you want to raise your hands in praise and dance around, which is another downfall for work. Our God is so great and wonderful and worthy of our praise, so this brings to mind Psalm 33:1-22.

Sing joyfully to the LORD, you righteous; it is fitting for the upright to praise him.
Praise the LORD with the harp; make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.
Sing to him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy.
For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does.
The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love.
By word of the LORD were the heavens made, their starry host by the breath of his mouth.
He gathers the waters of the sea into jars; he puts the deep into storehouses.
Let all the earth fear the LORD; let all the people of the world revere him.
For he spoke, and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm.
The LORD foils the plans of the nations; he thwarts the purposes of the peoples.
But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations. Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD, the people he chose for his inheritance.
From heaven the LORD looks down and sees all mankind;
from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth-
he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do.
No king is saved by the size of his army; no warrior escapes by his great strength.
A horse is a vain hope for deliverence; despite all its great strength it cannot save.
But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.
We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we hope in you.

In verse 13 highligted above, just delights me. From heaven the Lord looks down and see me; from his dwelling place he watched me on earth - he who formed my heart and considers everything that I do. He watches us constantly and he formed our hearts and he considers all that we are about to do and are doing. I need to reflect on that statement quite a bit during the day because he knows what I am going to do and why and sometimes he even knows that it will be stupid for me to do. So maybe if I think about him considering me then I might not make the wrong decision.

The spring causes all kinds of worship and praise for me. I love seeing all the new birth coming from the ground and from the trees and the smell of fresh springtime air floating through my house. And the lite candle that smells of lilac which reminds me of my childhood in the North.

Dear Lord, I sing joyfully to you O Lord, and it is fitting for me to praise you for you are faithful and you watch over me at all times. I wait in hope for you because I trust in your Holy Name. Thank you for this time of year that reminds me of newness and hope. It reminds me of Easter coming and what you did for me by going to the cross. I will glorify your Name always. Amen

A Melody to God

2010-03-10T16:50:00.003-05:00

I heard a new song today by Amy Grant. There was this line in the song that went something like this; when we cry out to God in our anguish, he hears it as a melody. He wants us to depend on Him. So when we are crying out or praising Him what he hears is music to His ears. I guess I also think of it like this, yesterday my sweet girl was asked to play her violin for her grandma, who had not heard or seen her play before. As I was watching her play and seeing her smile while she played it brought tears to my eyes because it was so beautiful. It wasn't so much the song that was played as it was the way she looked playing it and she smiled because she had been struggling with a part and she played clean and was so excited.

The Lord smiles when he sees us doing something that we enjoy or we when we play through a rough part. He hears a melody for the good in our life that we give him praise for, as well as, the crying out from brokeness. Do I bring tears to the eyes of the Father like Hannah does to me when she dances or plays the violin? I hope so. I hope that I bring praise to the Father for the good and the bad that I am going through regularly. I want Him to see me and be so overwhelmed with what He is molding me to be that I bring tears to His eyes because He hears the melody of my life for Him. And I want Him to sing that melody back to me so that I might dance along with Him.

Lord, may my life bring a melody to your ears. Help me to depend on you in all things and for you to truly be Lord of my life. In Jesus' Name Amen.

Snow Today the 2nd of March

2010-03-02T12:56:00.004-05:00

The snow is truly beautiful so pure and clean looking. It makes me feel so serene and peaceful. It just coveres the dirt and brown grass and makes the ground look clean. It is just like what Christ does for us when we are repentent of sins, he covers us up with snow and blots out the ugly and dirty. Thank you Jesus for this reminder.

Giving Thanks in a Dilemma

2010-02-22T11:09:00.001-05:00

Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know. Jeremiah 33:3

I went to a meeting last night and to say that I was riding an emotional roller coaster is an understatement. When I say emotional I don't mean crying emotion, I just went form a very clear yes this is what I am to do before the meeting started to fear that I just wasn't able, willing, or ready to commit. And I spent the rest of the night talking to God about this dilemma.

I went to this meeting to get information. This church that my daughter and I have been attending was making some changes to the youth program and I wanted to know what kind of changes they were and how it was going to affect my girl. I wasn't going into this meeting with a plan to commit myself to it just get the info that I was looking for. You see my darling girl will not attend the youth on Sunday am she prefers to sit with me. She loves worship and I am safe. She doesn't have to put herself out there and try to meet new people. Such an awkward age being 11 almost 12. Yet if I acknowledge truthfully, I think that I have heard in my head "this is where you need to be" on a few occasions. But I really wanted to get the information that I could take back to my sweet daughter and be able to encourage her to give it a try.

So back to the meeting, the church served us dinner and the conversation was real good. We played this game where you took an item off the table and had to creatively describe how that item could change a teenager's life or how you could use it to make a point. It was fun and I had an idea for every item on the table. I'm not usually the creative thinker in settings like that but it was turned on last night. Then the youth director opened in prayer, I don't remember anything he said but I heard plain as day, "this is what you are to do." The meeting opened and the discussion began about what the vision was going to be like. I was so impressed with the idea of connecting the kids to a person not a program and the impact that leaders would have on these kids long term through mentoring that I knew I wanted to be a part of it. Then something happened in the last 5 minutes of the meeting, I opened my mouth to ask the question, "would I be teamed up with my daughter because I could see the positive and a great many negatives to that scenario?" The answer came back as "NO I couldn't parent one child and mentor the rest." This is the answer that I wanted to hear that I would be teamed up with other girls and not my daughter. But with that answer came so many questions. How do I invest in other girls lives through regular outings and such and what would my girl do? Do I have the time to invest in this program? And the selfish questions, if this move from my previous church to another church was for me how could this be what I was to do? This idea was not for or about me. In the past I didn't want to be with kids except during VBS, I tried to teach Sunday school a couple of times but my heart yearned for adults. And the biggest question was I ready to commit to this church and ready to call this new place home? Because I would have to do this in order to be the mentor that I would have to be for this group of girls.

So my evening went from total excitement to total fear and non-committal. I talked to the Lord all evening, I wrote in my journal before bed where I laid it all out on paper all my fears but able to thank God for this dilemma because it made me go to Him for answers. After I wrote all my issues out at the bottom of the page was the above scripture in Jeremiah 33, "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things that you do not know." I had done that. I called out to Him through journaling and now I have to keep my eyes open and my ears ready to listen for His voice to say "Yes you are to go this way" or "No not now but one day". So I wait with a heart full of emotions this morning that brings tears to my eyes.

And then this morning my eyes hit this scripture from Psalm 145:8 "Let the morning bring news of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul." See the Lord is already talking to me. He will lead me in the direction He has for me, I just have to allow Him to do that.

Scary Thought

2010-02-18T10:31:00.002-05:00

I read a quote today from John Piper, it said "Sin is what we do when our heart is not satisfied with God." All I could muster was WOW!! OH My... I still don't know how to react. I don't want my heart not to be satisfied with the LORD. I want very much to be completely satisfied with all things holy. I want the Spirit to reign in me at all times, in all circumstances and completely.

I, in my humanness, rank sin. This sin is worse than that sin. I least I didn't do that sin! But I am continually reminded in scripture that God ranks all sin the same. We, who are in Christ, live in grace. We have to allow the Spirit to lead, guide, and direct us throughout our days, and sometimes moment by moment.

In the above quote, I think that I am most taken back by the word do. Do is not something that just happens, it is a conscience decisions to say yes to something. I think that is what scared me the most or made the most inpact on me this morning when I read it the first time and the second and the times since. I don't think that I really liked the thought that I am making a conscience yes when I am choosing to sin. I don't know why I want to justify my sin. But that is in fact what I am doing in whatever circumstance that I am in when I chose to say yes. There is no way to take the quote above and make it something sweet and good but God is good and he will forgive me my sins as long as I confess then before Him. He loves me and calls me His favorite. I just have to let the Spirit reign in me at all times and abide in His Word. Then and only then can I live holy and my heart satisfied with God so that I don't do sin.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom

2010-02-10T09:59:00.004-05:00

2 Corinthians 3:12-18

Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. We are not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face to keep the Israelites from gazing at it while the radiance was fading away. But their minds were made dull, for to this day the same veil remains when the old covenant is read. It has not been removed, because only in Christ is it taken away. Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

Our bible study group is studying about Grace this current 6 weeks. I have really enjoyed the reading of the Word on this subject, as well as, the discussion that we have been having on Monday nights. I have learned a few things so far; Grace - the fact that we know God extends his grace to us should not be an excuse to sin knowing that we will be forgiven but knowing grace should make us want to strive to be more like Jesus. And the other thing is that there is freedom and liberty in grace and how we choose to use that freedom or liberty should be used to glorify the Lord and enjoy our relationship with him. When the Spirit of the Lord lives in us, we must choose daily to glorify our Lord and show others that he shines in us and there is no veil covering our faces.

This past week in our study was some good questions we should ask ourselves about the choices we have to make daily. Does the Word forbid it? Does the Word grant this freedom? If I do this will it glorify the Lord? I couldn't help feel that if I asked these questions regularly throughout my day, I wouldn't have to spend so much time asking for forgiveness for the stupid things that I had done that day that grieve the Lord and squelch the Spirit within me.

We also had the discussion about the legalism of our life and how we like to have a check list to go by. How it helps us to gauge our parenting, job, life in general, and basically know that we are OK and we're doing things good. A quote from Cynthia Heald, "Legalism exalts the flesh and stifles the Spirit; liberty (freedom) grounded in truth stifles the flesh and exalts the Lord."

Lord, help me to live in the Spirit daily and not squelch you within. Help me to ask the question, if I do this will it glorify you? Because where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. Jesus, I love you and want others to see the radiance of you on my face. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere

2010-01-18T13:33:00.002-05:00

How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the loving God. Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young – a place near your alter, O LORD Almighty, my King and my God. Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you. (Psalm 84: 1-4)

I read this verse last night and it had such an impact on me. The birds choosing to build nests and to raise their young at a place near the alter of the LORD Almighty, a place of worship. They would hear the singing of praises to the LORD and the confessing of sins and burnt offerings and hear the sermons, the truth spoken from the Word. They would also feel the closeness of the LORD's presence. I even bet that when no one was looking the birds would dance before the King, flying around and showing off the beauty of their wings, singing at the tops of their lungs the beautiful sound that birds make.

Samuel did the same thing; he grew up in the presence of the LORD. (1 Samuel 2:21) Samuel slept in the temple where the ark of God was at. Samuel heard the voice of the LORD while he was lying in that spot. (1 Samuel 3:3-10) So how do I build my nest near the alter of God? I bring the image of the alter into my home, into my nest and make my home a place of worship. I make my whole home an alter before the LORD. I sing praises to the LORD here in my home, I confess sins before God in my home, I read the Word to hear the truth about God in my home. It is also the place where I will hear God speak to me and feel His Presence. And I will talk to my daughter about all these things: who God is, what God is looking for from us, and get her to confess her sins before the LORD at our alter, in our home. We keep the figure of the cross, a symbol in our home, as the image of Jesus on the alter and the grace that he chose to bestow on us as our reminder of "a place near your alter, O LORD Almighty, my King and my God."

The alter is not something that you only see once a week at church it has to be the place where we chose to live. It has to be a place we seek out. It has to be a place of worship all day long. We have to make an effort to maintain our nest as a place of worship. But I will chose to bring the alter of God into my home and rest in His hands there. Because better is one day in Your courts, LORD, than a thousand elsewhere.

LORD, help me to make my nest as close to you as possible. And to always seek out your alter in good and bad times. My soul longs to be in Your presence all day long. In Jesus' Name Amen.

LORD My Shepherd

2010-01-12T10:35:00.002-05:00

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. (Isaiah 40:11)

Have you ever gone through trials and sorrows? I am reminded of a dear friend this morning that is really going through some trials. She has been out of work for over a year and her husband got laid off, again, yesterday. It just seems that every time you turn around that something else is going on with them. I wonder where God is for them. Why are these things happening? When will they catch a break? I always try to be positive and I do believe that she will have an amazing testimony one day but I am ready for that day for them to be today. I also know that she has put her hope in Jesus and is waiting to see the light shine for her, to be able to say "it is finished and we made it."

The above verse reminded me today that He is carrying her and her family through this and that they are close to His heart, he is hugging them to his heart. He has a plan, protection, and prospering for them. He is caring for them like a shepherd cares for his sheep. He is providing for their every need right now. Another verse that comes to mind is a few verses away in Isaiah 40 and that is verse 31: But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. The Message says that in hoping in the LORD you "get fresh strength". I love the word fresh, is comes not from me because it is brand new strength. It is not something that I already have and the LORD is adding to that strength but new strength. What I have will never be enough but I will have to rely solely on Him who gives the strength to endure. They will one day be on top of the Mountain of God and see that sun shining bright first thing in the morning and not be looking into the dark brambles of the valley. God is good and his way is perfect and his timing is always on time.

Dear Friend, remember you are His Favorite One. He only has eyes for you. He loves you and wants to bless you with amazing gifts. Walk now expecting to see his glory today.

Lord, I pray for my dear friend that is suffering. Remind her that you love her and are hugging her to your heart and you want to give her just what she needs. Help her also to reach out to you, to hope in you, so that you can give her fresh strength. In these things I pray in Jesus' Name. Amen!

Play some upbeat praise and worship music and PRAISE HIM!!!!!

Waiting on the LORD

2010-01-11T15:16:00.002-05:00

Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! (Isaiah 30:18)

Almost every New Year, I write a letter to Jesus. I usually start by writing songs of praise to my LORD. I then give Him thanks for all He has done for me the past year, and this year was quite a few life changing things, then I praise Him for each of those things. Next, I write what I would like to accomplish the coming year and what I would like to see happen. Some of the items listed are being a better steward of my money and my time, it's making more time and more quality time for writing, it's being more aware of Jesus every day and seeing Him everywhere. It's making worship a way of life. And the list goes on and on. But most of these things will not only take me wanting to be a better light for the LORD but will also take me waiting on the LORD so that I don't miss what He has for me. I love the verse above, it shows that the LORD longs to lavish me with His great gifts but that He is also waiting until the time is right. And how blessed I will be waiting for the right time, the right circumstances, the right opportunity and so on, but that also means that I have to be aware of the LORD daily so I don't miss the right time, circumstance, or opportunity and so on.

The Message tells the verse like this:

But God's not finished. He's waiting around to be gracious to you. He's gathering strength to show mercy to you. God takes the time to do everything right - everything. Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones.

"He's gathering strength to show mercy to me", says to me that it is taking all His strength to hold back until the time is right. I love that. It is taking all His strength to hold back because He wants to give me my heart's desire but the time, circumstance, opportunity just isn't perfect for me yet. I hold on to hope that the time is coming soon and that I, in my humanness, just don't miss my part in the plan and I will be the lucky one blessed beyond measure. I look forward to it and I look expecting it.

Lord, You are amazing in all your ways. You want only what is best for me and you long to be gracious to me. Help me to wait on you because only in the waiting will all things be perfect. Help me also not to miss seeing you today and truly worshipping you with all that I do. In Jesus' Name I pray. Amen

The 12th day after Christmas

2010-01-06T20:00:00.002-05:00

Today, 8 years ago, is the day that my dear husband went to be with the Lord. He spends his days singing and dancing around the throne with all the saints. Lucky Steven. I have come a long way in these past 8 years. It has only been through and with the Lord Jesus that I have been healed from pain and grief. Hannah will turn 12 next month. I can rejoice for the trials that I have endured and know that I am better for them.

Psalm 116 : 1-6 I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the LORD: "O LORD, save me!" The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The LORD protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you. For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living.

2010-01-01T20:10:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year. I hope to make posts more frequently this new year.

5th Grade Celebration

2009-05-18T16:48:00.002-04:00

I attended Duncan Creeek's 5th grade Celebration this afternoon. I can't believe that my daughter is going to middle school in August. Why is it that mom's have so much trouble with their children growing up? I should be excited for Hannah, she is a wonderful and loving person. There are things about her that is still such a kid but other things that continue to prove that she is indeed growing up. I have started to see the mind and thoughts change, like the way that she thinks about clothes and what she will watch on TV, no more cartoons, and whether she will eat off a child's menu at a restaurant. She is also having the dreaded issues with girls her age. And why do girls have to be so mean? Why are we like that? And what do we really get for acting that way?

Back to Hannah's graduation, the principle mentioned to the kids that they needed to cut their moms some slack if they saw them depressed over the next few days because of them leaving elementary school. Hannah asked me if I had shed any tears this afternoon. I was able to tell her "no" but I did have to work too hard to have been able to say with a straight face that no I didn't shed any tears. There were a couple of moments when it was right there but I stopped it. Hannah always says to me, "Mom, growing up is what I'm supposed to do. That is how God made me." Yes I know that, but it is still hard to see the little girl grow into a young lady and not wish it to slow down just alittle. And if I knew how to post pictures on this blog I would show you a couple of her from 2 years old and some now so that you could see for yourselves.

Hannah is excited about middle school. She can't wait to go to school with her friends that she dances with and about more opportunities and she also thinks that the food will be better. She also wished that at some point during her middle school years she might be able to get a cell phone, like she is ever in a situation that she needs one at this stage in her life.

My prayer for her as she and I come to terms with growing up and going to middle school is that she continue with her walk with the Lord, that she always remembers who she belongs to, and it is not me, that she thinks before making choices so that she has a better chance to make a good one. I want her to stretch her mind to what she could accomplish in her life. I want God to use her in a mighty way for His kingdom and I want her to be open to that. And I want her to be happy. I love her with all me heart and I love the person that she is becoming. I enjoy spending time with her and everything that I do and every decision I make, I do for her.

Good luck my bubba. Your mom is very proud of you.

Mighty Warrior of God

2009-04-29T11:53:00.003-04:00

I am doing the Esther Bible Study by Beth Moore and is it ever powerful. Yesterday I was reading in week 4, and I am getting ready to study the "for such a time as this" part that is by far the most famous quote from the book of Esther. I would like to quote somthing that was written because it hit me like a ton of bricks. It is from chapter 4 and is the conversation that Esther and Mordecai are having about what is going to be happening and that she needs to go before the king and ask for mercy for her people. Beth writes, "Esther's superficial life is about to be shattered, and a woman much deeper than her skin was about to be unearthed. If we're blessed, the same will happen to each of us. As painful as the process may be, that which shatters our superficialty also shatters the fetters of our fragility and frees us to walk with dignity and might to our destinies. We are not the fragile flowers we've considered ourselves to be. We, like Esther, are the warrior princesses of God."

This so impacted my day yesterday. God brings about things and situations in our life that really shape who we will become through Him. And most of those things are not easy to follow through with or deal with but they are for our good and will bring many blessings into our life as long as we do our part and praise and delight ourselves in the Lord.

It doesn't matter if the things that come into our life may be hard and unbearable, our Lord has allowed them and it is up to us to make the decision to rise up and praise him in the bad times as well as the good times because it is for our good. I've wrestled with that phrase "for our/my good" alot in the past and sometimes still do it but I've found that in time I can see my good in it. As a female, I think that I did have the mentalty that I was not strong and mighty and that I wasn't going to make it through some the the issues that I have had to survive in the past. But reading that quote yesterday really concreted in to me that I was a mighty warrior princess. I am strong because the Lord has made me that way. Doesn't it say in the Bible "when I am weak, I am strong"? Because it is where I go to find strength that makes me strong. I ran to the Lord and clung to him for dear life and He made me strong and able to take the next breath or the next step. I can now see that weak and strong go hand in hand and dignity walked right up beside me. Praise the Lord for all the trials that we are going to face, because they turn us into the Mighty Warrior Princess that the Lord has named us through His Son, Jesus.

Worship as a Way of Life

2009-04-20T14:40:00.003-04:00

The search is on for aspiring to this lifestyle. Is it possible? What goes into this state of mind? Well, I think that the Lord is putting this idea in front of me pretty consistently these days. I have been reading books that just happen to cover this topic unknowingly to me when I picked it up, the worship music that I've been listening to talks about it all the time, though not that the music is new to me, it has been what I've listened to for years, but something about the way that I hear the music is new. I have also listened to sermons via DVD that have covered this topic.

I have found that in the searching for this lifestyle it has lead me to needing more; more time in studying the Word, more conversations with Jesus throughout the day, more from church, and more of that driving force that leads me to the throne. It has lead me to study new concepts of worship, like fasting. It has drawn me to seeking more power from the Holy Spirit within me and what that power is capable of doing in me, through me, and for me. It has me trying very hard to see God's hand at work around me all throughout the day. This lifestyle has lead to reaching for a state of mind that is totally focused on God throughout the day and really concentrating on the goodness of what God has really done in the universe. I have discovered that in the big scheme of things, I am really small, and yet in the very bigness of God, I am important and so dearly loved.

What are the ways of worship that lead to this lifestyle? I allow Jesus to sing over me which leads me to sing to Him. Jesus reminds me throughout the day that he loves me by bringing to mind Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you, I am mighty to save. I am taking great delight in you, I am going to quiet you with my love, I am rejoicing over you with singing." I have changed the pronouns to first person, cause that is the way I hear it. And it brings me to sing back to him all those praise and worship songs that I love, like: We Fall Down, Beautiful One, Majesty and so on. It seems lately, that no matter what time I happen to be awakened during the night a song of worship is going on inside my head until I fall back to sleep or when I awaken up in the morning, I am still singing that song.

Another way of worship that leads to this lifestyle has been studing the Word and Prayer time, it has gotten bumped up a notch and I can't seem to get enough of it. I also talk to Jesus all the time because he is in the room. We have conversations together. I hear his voice on a very regular basis.

I also notice that I crave seeing him work in everyone's life. I want to hear what he's doing, what you're working through, what your needs are, how you enjoy being with Him throughout the day.

And the last thing, we worship with trembling hands raised high, voices singing and praising the name of Jesus, head bowed, knees that hit the floor or even laying flat on the floor because we can't look into the face because we are not worthy and also by dancing before the Lord. We worship him by talking to our children about him and when we talk to others about him. Then there are times when I can't even express what I'm feeling with a praise and worship song or bible verse because the word just doesn't exsist yet and I get so overwhelmed that I'm just beside myself.

Worship as a way of life can exsist but it does take some effort and a want to. But if you want to the rewards will by far over ride the negatives. So go for it, you won't be sorry.

Getting ready for Hannah's Birthday

2009-02-18T21:40:00.003-05:00

Spent some time today getting ready for Hannah's 11 birthday. It will be on Tuesday the 24th but family day is Sunday. She wants fancy finger foods. I think that it is so funny. When I asked her specifically what she wanted to eat she descibed foods that you would have at a tea party. She may be turning 11 but she still thinks that she is the princess she thought she was at 4. I love that she thinks that way. The menu, peanut butter and jelly and turkey and provolone cheese sandwiches cut into triangles and with the crusts cut off, petite quiches, pigs in the blanket, veggies and dip, a Publix cake, and Potato Salad that I have asked my mother to bring because I don't make potato salad. And one other thing that I am adding to the menu as a surprise, chocolate fondue with fruit and marshmellows. It does sound like a tea party, right? I keep looking at Hannah to see if I can tell that she is going to be 11. She doesn't look like it most days, and yet some days, I think that she is much older than that. What really hurts is there are times when I look into her eyes and I see so much, there is no longer the tender eyes of a small child looking to me for all the answers of life, she is trying so hard to figure out so much on her own. I didn't think that would happen until so much later in life, or at least a little closer to the teen years.

I look forward to the next year with Hannah to see what new things that she discovers, what the Lord will offer her, how she will grow up to be the lovely Princess of the King of Kings.

I love you, Hannah!! You truly are just as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside.

Are you really Jesus' Disciple?

2009-02-11T10:23:00.002-05:00

John 8:21-32

Jesus said in verse 31-32 "if you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

In the passage, Jesus is talking to the Jews, that they do not know him or they would be able to recognize him as the Son. How do you recognize the Son? Foremost, you stay in his Word, have relationship with him by reading his Word. Jesus says that he doesn't do anything of his own authority but speaks only what the Father has taught him. So to know the Father and the Son, you have to be immersed in the Word. Inside the Word you will find encouragement for your day, your situation, and your life. Inside the Word you will also find hope; hope for things to come, hope for healing, or hope for a new beginning. Inside the Word you will find peace, a peace that you cannot explain. By remaining in the Word, Jesus will teach you the truth and you can be set free from those things that are wearing you down. Reach into the Word, find truth, freedom and really be Jesus' disciple.

Another Year

2009-01-16T20:25:00.004-05:00

Can you believe it, 2009? How much time has gone by since I last wrote? I can't believe it. I am trying for new year new challenge with writing. I plan to write on this blog much more frequently. Hopefully it will be fruitful. Making plans for some posts soon.

My Temple

2008-03-13T21:28:00.002-04:00

I've gone into this year really concentrating on the fact that my body is the temple for the Holy Spirit. I have been eating better and going to the gym 3 times a week and also doing some strength training. I have decided that I also want to set a good example for my daughter. She is 10 years old and just beginning to watch what others look like and say things that could lead to unhealthy habits as she grows up. Especially if she follows my lead from the past, overweight. We talk about healthy things and how God wants our body to be His Temple, so that He is able to communicate with us without all the access

God's YES!!!

2008-03-03T20:25:00.003-05:00

Getting ready for my daughter's 10th birthday, I spent a lot of time going over her life. I thought about things that she used to do, what she looked like as an infant and toddler, and when she entered kindergarten. I just couldn't believe that much time has gone by, 10 years. Then I began to think about if I had had my way and the Lord had worked with us, our child could be 17 years old by now. So really all things considered, 10 years wasn't so bad, she keeps me young. Also, during the week leading up to my daughter's birthday, I was studying Psalms 127 and 128, about how families are blessings from God. And I'm so blessed by my family, the family I was born into and then the family that I choose, like my church and friends. I have been able to count on family more times that I can count. They are always encouraging and give good advice, as well as, gentle rebuking.

While studing God's word, the translation of Psalms 128:4 from the Message goes; "Stand in awe of God's Yes. Oh, how he blesses the one that fears the God!" I was completly in awe of that verse. I hit me so hard. Do I stand in awe of his blessings? Do I even acknowledge all his blessings? I need to be standing in awe of them daily. What is standing in awe? I have always been told or read to give thanks for our blessings but this says so much more. Stand in awe. Marvel at. Get swept up in. Give reverence to. I think these say so much more.

I stand in awe of the love that I feel for my daughter. I never thought I could love something so much and to think that God even loves her more than that. I stand in awe of the overwhelming responsibility in raising a child to be God-fearing and desire to have a relationship with her Father. I stand in awe of her beauty that is so deeply rooted within her it can't help but burst through to the outside.

I don't stand in awe of her but of God that would give me these things to feel.

My family is a yes from God. The beautiful day that we had today is a big yes from God. Even the fact that my upper body hurts so bad today from strength training yesterday is a yes from God, I'm working very hard to be healthier this year. I even had the strength to go to the gym and do the eliptical and treadmill for 45 minutes today. The breath that I just took and released is a yes from God. My beating heart that so wants to be a God-fearing daughter of the King is a yes from God. But an even bigger yes is the joy I feel in my heart and the contentment of my soul.

Now looking for God's YES everyday so that I can stand in awe of He who gave them. Will You?

A New Year

2008-01-18T16:01:00.000-05:00

The holidays over and the decoration have been put up for awhile now, except some of my snowmen, I keep hoping for colder weather. We did have snow this week, only for a couple of hours but snow just the same. The snow was the biggest flakes that I can remember seeing in quite a few years. I heard last night on TV that we might even get another winter weather storm tomorrow. My daughter is excited about the thought of possible snow again.

Today I sit and write my yearly letter to Jesus. I write this letter almost every year to acknowledge Him for the past year and all that He has done for me, tell Him what I would like to see happen this year in me, and to tell Him of some things that I want. I'm struggling this year with the things that I what to see Him do. For some reason, this year it feels like if I give a list of the things that I want that I'm putting limits on Him and all He can do. My list can't even fathom what my Lord could do if I let Him work His way. Yet, aren't we supposed to petition our Lord? I just have to pray about it some more and let Jesus work through me in this letter as documentation of what could happen this year or what will happen this year. I have always been amazed as I get out the previous years letter of what I've asked, what I received and why some of those thing couldn't work for my good. The letter is still going to be written just maybe not finished today.

Lord, as I go about this letter fill me with you so that I can be on the same page as you. Help me to be specific about things and yet still leave the door open for you to work. Guide me daily in seeking Your face and guidence. In Jesus' Name Amen

How Time Goes By

2007-11-27T17:28:00.000-05:00

My oh my, I didn't realize how long that it has been since I was even on this blog. My time flies. I have been trying to get into the joy of Christmas. I have been working hard at this. I didn't think that I would be going into another Holyday season alone. So I'm really trying to concentrate on Jesus and I know that I will be rewarded with Joy this season. I picked up Beth Moore's Stepping Up to use for my quality time with Jesus. It is study of the Psalm of Ascent. So far it has worked. Why is it the this time of year is so difficult to get through for most of us. I think that it is the Christmas movies. They all end perfectly, and yet we watch and wait for the next one. We all have the desire for this time of year to be so wonderful and meet all of our dreams and endless expectations. And the smallest thing that goes wrong makes the whole season a bust. What does God want for us this holiday season. I think that he wants us to know that He loves us and to remind us of what He has done for us by giving us the Child King that would in turn save us from sin and death. He just wants us to concentrate on Jesus' love for us and to remember that this season is all about Him and not perfect decorations the perfect recipe or the perfect present. We are celebrating Jesus' birth and when it is our birthday it is all about each of us, so why shouldn't Jesus expect his birthday to be all about him? Just something to think about and hope that this season is all about Jesus and the hope and joy that comes from him.

No Evil

2007-10-27T10:35:00.000-04:00

Psalm 101:1-4 I will sing of your love and justice; to you, O LORD, I will sing praise. I will be careful to lead a blameless life - when will you come to me? I will walk in my house with blameless heart. I will set before my eyes no vile thing. The deeds of faithless men I hate, they will not cling to me. Men of perverse heart shall be far from me; I will have nothing to do with evil.

No vile thing and no evil, these are the things that we need to model for our children. How else will they know what evil is? What we watch on TV, listen to in music, books we read, and movies we see; even if we don't allow them to see, listen, read, or watch, if they know that we have, then what have we accomplished? We have just taught them that is it OK to wait until they are older and can make decisions for themselves. We, as adults, have to make conscience effort to "set before my eyes no vile thing" to set the example even if our kids our not around and talk about such choices with our kids to instruct them in not making evil choices. But we also make these choices because it is pleasing to God for ourselves. It is how we live the blameless life. Our behavior is another way that we praise our God and shine the light or Jesus for others.

Lord, help me to lead the blameless life to be able to make the correct choices to keep evil away. I want to be the light for others as well as for my daughter. In Jesus' Name Amen

Broken Hearted from a Lie

2007-10-21T15:51:00.000-04:00

Last night before, I fell asleep, I was reading in Psalms, one of the chapters I read was 34 and I came across verses 11-13. I reads, "Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.

Last week I caught my daughter in a lie. After I got over my initial anger, my heart was broken and I broke down in tears. I couldn't understand how this could happen. I thought everything I do, I do for this child. The hours I work, the time I spend at home and I could've gone on and on with what I do for her. While I was crying she came up and put her arms around me and was sobbing also. My walls just fell, my heart hurt but the discipline was going to have to follow. She repented to me and we talked about it for quite awhile.

While reading this verses last night, I began to think about how the Lord feels when I lie or sin. It must make Him angry, thinking about all that he has done for me. And think how come I failed to live up to what I say I believe, that I want to be a daughter to the Lord and have him reign in me. Then that lie or sin breaks the Lord's heart and I see him crying. And when I realize what I have just done, I run to him with my arms open wide and he takes me in his arms and we cry out together as I ask for forgiveness. And remember to say to him that I am sorry that I made him angry and that I broke his heart. But then the discipline will have to follow for me also.

Lord, help me to always see things with your eyes. And when I fall short, I realize that I have broken your heart and run to you for forgiveness and discipline.

Perseverance

2007-10-19T22:11:00.000-04:00

James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

My week has been crappy, literally. It started Thursday last week, I found water in my basement and it looked to me that it had come from the air conditioner and had been accumulating for awhile. The closer that I looked the more I saw sitting in water, a mattress, a couch on it's end, suitcases, boxes and the list started to get longer and longer. So I spent most of the day Saturday, along with my parents help, taking out all the things that had been damaged from the water out of the basement out to the back yard. Some of those things belonged to my husband, who died over 5 years ago, his life. It was a time of purging. I was angry and sad and basically just not happy. I will spend time tomorrow hauling this stuff to the dump. Anyhow, then this week on Wednesday, as my daughter would say "the house sounds like to has a bad stomach ache and then it threw up." The septic tank quite working, or whatever the terminology is, the house smelled like a septic tank and I had cleaning to do in the shower and bathtubs. Our house is only 7 years old and most of the time living here it has only been my daughter and I in this house. I couldn't get over that we could have had this kind of trouble. So now I'm not just unhappy but really upset. We can not take showers, I could not finish my wash and the dishes. You don't think how much you take something forgranted until you can't use it.

All this to say, the Lord uses all things to see if we can we can be joyful in all things and be able to give thanks. I can honestly say that this has not been easy for me this past week. I have cried this week, yelled this week, and even tired to laugh about it to keep me from crying. I was angry at God for allowing this to happen when He could take his little finger and fix the problem. But that is not the way that it happened, no I had to purge some life, because it was time, God's time. It is all over now, not without a little heartache and money, and I hope that in the not so distant future I will be able to look back and say it all started when I had a crappy week, literally.

Rejoice, Rejoice, Rejoice!!!!

2007-10-03T08:25:00.000-04:00

Habakkuk 3:17-18 Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

In all things rejoice, in it you find strength. The LORD is our strength and what is going on in our life is from Him. Rejoicing takes the focus off ourselves and acknowledges God for who He is and that He has a plan that cannot be seen yet but our acceptence comes when we can look to the heavens and say "Holy are you LORD and you are worthy of my praise."

I have found that the LORD has been speaking to me quite of few times this year from Habukkuk and it comforts me to know that the book was written for me these days.

Habakkuk 3:19 goes on to say, The Sovereign LORD is my strength, he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go to the heights.

When we are going through rough times, the goal is to climb the mountain from the valley to stand in the high place before the Lord and see the sun rise first in the morning. So to be able to climb the mountain, we have to be able to rejoice in the LORD. It is the first step out of the valley that we are in. Because if we can't rejoice then we continue to remain focused on our troubles and cannot get past the blackness of it.

Lord, help me to rejoice in all things everyday. Help me to run to you when in need and look for the ray of light that leads to you. In Jesus' name Amen.

Joyful Giver

2007-09-26T16:22:00.000-04:00

Psalm 54:6 "I will sacrifice a freewill offering to you; I will praise your name, Oh Lord for it is good."

Do we give our money, our time, and our talents joyfully? Do we give with a joyful heart, like a child? I remember when Hannah was younger and still some today, that she would get so excited to see the basket pass by her and she always asked me if she could put the envelope in the basket. Now granted the money wasn't hers to give but the action of excitment of placing the envelope should be the way that I give my tithe. When asked to give my time for a work day at the church do I do that with joy? I realize that I haven't worked at a church workday, can't remember if there was always something else going on or if that was the only day that I could sleep in. Honestly not putting my time forward joyfully. Lastly, what are my talents, my spiritual gifts? Do I use them for the Lord when asked or when necessary? Maybe I need to look into some of these things.

Give like that of a child for the Lord is good and we/I should want to tithe all that I have to offer because none of it is mine to keep.

Wait for it.

2007-09-14T16:42:00.000-04:00

Habakkuk 2:5 Though it linger, wait for it, it will certainly come and will not delay. What is lingering? That is the question of the day. What is God telling me? Wait for it, for what? Lots of questions but what ever it is I need it. Will it be something grand, like maybe the mountains moving? Maybe, it is just a new outlook. I want so bad to be the woman that God wants me to be and a patient one at that. Then I found Psalm 16:11 You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. It means call upon the LORD and He will direct my paths and it will come, whatever He has planned. Hope for tomorrow and joy overflowing

Multi-Tasking

2007-09-11T20:06:00.001-04:00

I read from several devotions each morning, this morning I tried to swallow it all. One devotion was Psalm 77:1-15 which talks about remembering the good from God when going through tough times at the moment. Another was Hosea 14:1-7 and repenting of sins to the Lord and to others. And finally always keep your eyes focused on Heaven. It was all good stuff, these different scriptures, and talk about multi-tasking for the Lord. I chuckled thinking I multi-task everyday all throughout the day and why shouldn't I think that God would ask me to do this for Him also. Why couldn't I multi-task for God. I think God in the King of multi-tasking, how else would the sun come up everyday and then the moon take its place. All the God of Creation does for me in a day is work enough. So I could keep my eyes on Heaven today, and take time out to repent of my sins to the Lord as well as yelling at Hannah yesterday. And keep in mind all the good that the Lord has done for me daily on my lips so that when bad times hit I will remember and in remembering I have hope that we will rise from this too. So multi-task it is today. Hope for tomorrow and joys overflow.

First-timer

2007-09-11T20:06:00.000-04:00

This will be the first time that I've done something like this. I didn't even know that this kind of thing even existed until a few weeks ago. I had seen at the bottom of emails "visit my blog" but didn't pay it much attention. So here I am, looking into a whole new world. I'm hoping that this is going to be fun and informational. I would like to use it as a way to further my writing skills, such as they are, and air out my mind at the things that the Lord is teaching me. I journal a couple of times a week but that is just me writing my laments and prayers, still an act of worship but I am looking to take this further. I guess we will see how much time that I actually spend here to determine if what I've written so far is going to be true.

So here I go on a new ride. I hope that it is fun.